but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
