I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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