I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You have to summon your inner elephant
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
