I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
