I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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