no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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