meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
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Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
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