i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
