I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
