I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
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last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
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Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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