i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
