I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
