Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
