Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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