My Higher Power is John Stamos
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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