we made out on top of his cat.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
