In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Randomize
