Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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