She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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