I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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