Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
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I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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