we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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