Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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