Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
