he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
