what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
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