i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
How naked do you want me to be?
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