i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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