your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I love black thongs
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
