k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
