Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
