I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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