I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
