apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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