In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
