eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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