He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
