she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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