His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
