if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
