I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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