please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
