If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
