Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
