Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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