I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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