It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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