so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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