take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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