Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
