I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
