if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
