Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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