i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
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Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
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I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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