I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
