I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
